I'm Getting Sentimental Over You

[chanson_de_maupin]

They depart the Matous' residence just as the rain turns to snow; the flakes catch in Saber's curls and turn to beads of glass. "I was sharp with you," she says, after a moment of walking. "I should have been kinder."

Comments

[chanson_de_maupin]

"Only if you could make it give her back with twice the skill and twice the power," she replies. "I look forward to the day when I can fight Archer, or Rider--those will be real battles."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

"So it's that you were ... ill-matched," she ventures. "That's the difference between a battle between heroes and a slaughter -- that's what left you disappointed?"

[chanson_de_maupin]

"That's it, yes. I want to meet my match, or why should I fight at all? There's no glory in destroying the weak. There's no joy in it."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

"I thought the glory of it would be the glory of the wish that you fought to fulfill -- I thought the joy of it would be the joy of coming closer. But if that were the case, you could destroy only the weakest, and come closer quicker ... There would be nothing heroic about that," she says decisive. "It's a bully, who seeks out those she can best. It's a hero, who seeks out those who might best her, for the sake of finding her match ..."

[chanson_de_maupin]

"And it's a wise woman who can see the difference, Lady Kirsikka." There's a touch of irony in the title, but only a touch. "I'm no soldier, who fights for a cause--no Odysseus, no Achilles, and no Lancer. My glory comes from choosing my own: my own friends, and my own enemies."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

"I think I understand," she says, at last, lifting her chin. "And from now on, I must endeavor to grant you that freedom: the freedom to choose."

[chanson_de_maupin]

"Have you ever denied it to me?" She reaches over with her free hand and chucks Kirsikka under the chin. "We're a good match. You give me the freedom I need, and I give you the victories you crave."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

If Kirsikka flushes, at that, it must be from the cold and the snow. "I did grow irritated, when you chose without me. But now I know you'll fight and you'll flirt when you will --"

[chanson_de_maupin]

"Jealous?" she asks; there is a warmth to her voice that has nothing to do with merriment.

[girlwiththegandrshot]

She huffs. "Of what?"

[chanson_de_maupin]

"Of those I've chosen to engage without your leave."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

"In fighting or flirting? When, what was it you said --" She quirks an elegant eyebrow. "I don't even fuck?"

[chanson_de_maupin]

"You don't. I never see you cast a lustful eye on anyone, man or woman."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

Looking at the snow, she says, "My mother always told me to choose a husband like you'd choose an opponent -- to make sure he's my match as a magus. Our children have to be worthy of the Family Crest, after all."

[chanson_de_maupin]

"Pfah, husbands. They're the least of a woman's cares." She dismisses the entire tribe of them with a wave of her hand. "But you've never looked at someone and felt your blood singing, your heart roaring, your lips aching for a kiss? Never felt a fire build at the very root of you until you thought it would drive you mad?"

[girlwiththegandrshot]

She wants to protest that if the woman is a magus, she has to pass on her Crest or her work is for nothing -- but she presses her lips together, and considers the question. "I've felt my circuits sing," she says, "but not my blood."

[chanson_de_maupin]

"And when you're lying naked in your marriage bed with this fine stud specimen of a mage, preparing to conceive a worthy child--will your blood sing then, do you think?"

[girlwiththegandrshot]

If she had her pearls on, she would clutch them. "Saber -- !"

[chanson_de_maupin]

A smirk. "So tell me I'm wrong, to say that you don't fuck."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

"I could, if I cared to. But when we've gone from discussing it in theory, to talking about my marriage bed --"

[chanson_de_maupin]

"There's no such thing as theory in matters of the heart and the cunny, any more than there's theory where two rapiers cross," she says coolly. "There's only practice, skill, and passion, and a mad desire to live."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

"They're all of a piece to you. And you think you're more passionate than me, is that it?"

[chanson_de_maupin]

"More passionate? No. But when I see your passion, I can't believe you never want some sweet young creature to rouse it to a peak."

[girlwiththegandrshot]

It'd be easier, to talk about death and war and heroism, than to talk about sweet young things and sex. "Well, maybe I did dream of having some wild romance -- something you'd see on screen or hear in a song. Maybe I did want someone to sweep me off my feet and kiss me hard. Maybe no one I met could give me what I dreamed -- maybe every boy who wanted to romance me was dull -- and meanwhile I was learning how to cast a curse through a fingertip, and reading about the Age of Gods, and having other dreams."

[chanson_de_maupin]

"And you told yourself, it must be one thing or the other. A sweet boy who set you afire, or all of your dreams of victory." She taps Kirsikka's cheek. "Kiss me, Lady Kirsikka. It needn't be one or the other--not with us."